It’s a Wednesday (never mind that I’m posting it days later) and I was in the process of pampering my beautiful mane with a deep wash when it finally hit home…. I had to blog about it!
Lovelies out there, how’u doing??? (In Wendy Williams’ voice) 😄😄
The topic above has been brewing on my mind for a while now, from the time I saw Anita Komukama’s book cover – Life in the single lane. I saw the cover when it was first published in 2020 and I automatically knew that it was a book I want to read. (Still waiting for my copy)
Then, in Dec 2021, the thought hit me again about this single and waiting thing….. You see, I have been waiting and really, waiting is good but I looked at my life and some of the “senior singles” I know and I started to wonder what they have to say about being single past a certain age for ladies. (Not disclosing some of my circle’s ages 😁)
Being African, and Ugandan in this era…. Marriage is somewhat a big deal and I really don’t want to sound “westernized” but let’s face the reality – our generation (millennials) and all that follow have been the most influenced by the Western culture compared to all past generations on the African continent and maybe elsewhere around the world, (Forming a one culture sort of thing) which has most likely informed much of our opinions on such matters.
Alright, so now, this thing called being single…… Out of influence, peer pressure, societal expectations, and even God’s timing – some have gotten married, others have gotten babies out of wedlock, others cohabiting, many heartbroken, while some are in 10year dating relationships since University and some like myself have stood the test of time and tried to make sense and a living out of all that surrounds being “single”.
You know, in church we are encouraged to stay single, pure while waiting for marriage than being in a wrong purposeless relationship. That’s a good gospel, my issue however is, now with this whole waiting thing. Single and “waiting”! Cheeii, I’m tired of that waiting part. Yes, tired of the waiting!
What I mean by that is, by adding the term waiting, many including myself, have at times instead put life (big plans, goals, desires and achievements) on hold while “waiting”. Yes, we are also taught in christian circles, what to do while we wait and make our lives meaningful and live with purpose, the list is endless……….
Look, I have been to those lovely singles’ gatherings and hangouts and fellowships and whatever name they give them (I attended one recently where I thought things were going to be different, only to my disapointment), I even once paid for a class taught by a Pastor friend with whom we had a conversation about something related. I don’t regret it at all because knowledge never stops when you are open to learning. At the time, I was so frustrated with too much information (TMI) which I wasn’t applying anywhere in any relationship for years and I was done.
Honestly, they have helped to a 50% extent but now, I want to look at the other 50%.
We need to understand or be taught another way to be single, completely, without the whole “waiting” thing which makes it seem like we are living our single lives for the moment we get married.
What does it mean to live my single life for me, I totally believe I will get married, but before that, what does it look like to be single, period!….. No waiting bla bla bla (please don’t go out there being reckless with your life, that’s not what I mean 😂).
What if marriage doesn’t happen for that lady whom you have told to wait. The Bible tell us that some are enuchs out of other people’s doing. (Matt 19:12) What do they do with the waiting part? Well, never lose hope, right?
By the way, it seems to me that there are more single ladies than men… Population had dictated that unfortunately, which has probably given some men the guarantee to waste ladies’ time because there is a big pool to pick from…….?! (Okay, I needed to rant that one out)
Can we start preaching a different gospel to singles…. A gospel of how to be single and live a fulfilled life without projecting marriage to the season of singleness. Can we let the Mr. show up when he has to show up but not ladies “waiting” for him to show up. I mention Mr. Because it’s the man’s job to look, search and find while presumably ladies have to wait.
To all my married friends and family, I love and celebrate you, I have heard marriage is a beautiful thing, enjoy while we also enjoy our singleness.
I’m not waiting for marriage anymore, I’m single and living a fulfilled life! I think my journey towards the 3rd floor has led to all this mind shift. Single and loving it. Let’s have some other fun activities for singles which doesn’t include telling us to wait for marriage or any attachment to it.
I know marriage is a union created by God for a purpose and I will let God’s purpose be fulfilled through me in whichever walk of life He leads me on as long as it is a fulfilled life in Christ!
There is so much I feel I have left out, but that’s the thing with blogging, you can barely bring out everything burning inside, yet not enough to write a book , Anita did that on our behalf, let’s read her book for more 😂