The title probably got you thinking otherwise, it always comes along with vibrant vibes and somewhat good motivational speeches of how you are built for a time such as this. But what is that time anyway? I now wonder, except to fully trust and walk with God.
I have read, heard and seen a few friends at a distance experience the pain of losing a loved one and I really never placed myself in their shoes because I always thought I had had my fair share in childhood at the loss of both my parents by the time I was 6 years old. This was the last time I personally experienced a great loss (with exception to grandparents who lived their lives to see their great-grandchildren) in my life, I could say the same for my siblings and that marked a beautiful 22 years. Pause right there……..I’m not the kind to vent out feelings in a blog as you may already know if you have been reading my blogs.
Now, I lost my brother two months back and this was pain like no other, I never knew how much I loved my siblings until the passing of one of us. I was certain that we were all to live and grow old together……oh well……they all would have to grow old before I get old because that’s what being a last born comes with……some benefits 😄 This is not me trying to deal here if you are thinking this is how I deal with loss, no. This is me getting healed and facing the world after dealing with a big chunk of it.
For a moment, I needed activity to distract me from the reality of losing a brother-father figure in my life. I got engaged as much as I could (work, church and family…..meetings 😟) and soon the weight my brother left on my shoulders started to weigh in on me. Some of the results have been vivid like; I haven’t cooked a meal in my house in two months, haven’t been able to think and write a blog or the book I’m authoring in two months, haven’t had the slightest energy to properly take care of my afro-crown in two months (twists soon turning into dreadlocks) and I almost didn’t clean my house in two months but I found the energy to work on this one (I generally just came home to prepare for bed time, so there was nothing to clean) while other effects haven’t been so vivid but experiential in manner. I haven’t had appetite for almost anything in two months, constantly tired with less sleep, loss of weight and generally lack of interest in anything I have ever considered fun. Nothing made real sense except God for a time such as this!
At the dawn of May, I could see my victory coming through, I have started coming out of the shells, the battle is not yet won but I know God is fighting for me. The weight left on my shoulders still rages on but God is my weight lifter. I am not able to see the end from the beginning but the Alpha and Omega has seen it all.
The pain of lossing a loved one is worse than your own death. I don’t know if it ever heals especially when you have had a life time spent with the person. With my parents, I was still young to know such great pain but I know my older siblings hurt more than me for our parents because they experienced them more than me.
Live, Love, Laugh, and give your life to Christ by accepting him as Lord and Savior, this life is too short, YOLO!!!